What's going on?

Welcome, readers, to this week's episode of

Every week, we answer questions from several readers who are perplexed by things that they've seen, experienced, or heard about. So, without further ado, let's figure out What's Going On?!

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Situation #1

Lebekka-san of SPring-8 writes:

"Today I rode my bike to Kouto Plaza (strip mall with the convenience store) to buy some milk tea. I didn't get milk tea because the store was closed, but the vending machines were open, so I thought I'd go buy smaller bottles from them instead. When I got there, I saw a machine with pictures of suspiciously good-looking HOT food, like yakisoba (fried noodles), takoyaki (fried dumplings with octopus inside), or furaidopatatosu (french fries). But it's a vending machine...

What's Going On?"

Dear Lebekka-san,

This is exactly what it looks like. It is a vending machine which serves hot food. You might ask yourself how this could be possible, even with the amazing things that modern science has made available to us. Well, it's not. Not even electricity can do this, and electricity can do some pretty cool stuff. Here's What's Going On: Santa's elves' children need to eat in the summer, Lebekka. And they're not good with unions.

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Situation #2

Saitcheru-san from Sayo-cho writes,

"Today at work, somthing very strange happened. A friend and I were getting the director of RIKEN (at SPring-8) 's secretary to come have dinner with us, when the director came out. This guy is big stuff. I'd been introduced to him before, so he asked me how I was doing. Then he asked if I liked shochu (Japanese liquor) and invited me to come back to his office after dinner for a drink.

"When we got back, my boss and another executive were there drinking in his office and I was showed in to join them. The secretaries I'd been eating dinner with did not. I got about two fingers of shochu and lots of questions about how I liked it here, how the food is, how there's a local soy sauce factory that's very good, how there's money from JSPS and the NSF to come back to Japan, and how a foreigner is a permanent manager/scientist at SPring-8. I was also told to drop by again after five if I wanted, anytime.

"WGO, I have no idea what to think of this. I could be craptastic for all they know, so it's a little early for recruiting. And why would they want foreign researchers on a permanent basis, anyway? Our Japanese is crappy so there's all sorts of language barriers, there'd be tons of bureaucratic mess to go through because we'll never be citizens, and if we stay here we won't be useful collaborators with additional resources to draw on. What's Going On?"

Dear Saitcheru-san,

Who knows. At least you got some very good shochu.

WGO
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Situation #3

Reba Jean from Harima Science Garden City writes, "Dear WGO,

I really hate exercizing. Especially if it's hard. But today, instead of returning to my room after work, I accidentally rode my bicycle three or four miles. At first, I just intended to ride out to the 1 km long beamline where there's an amazing view. Turns out it's not so great when it's dark and the moon's not out. Then I thought that since I didn't have any drinks in my room, I'd ride to the convenience store (it's 2-3 km away!) to get some juice or tea. It was a total of 6 or 7 kilometers! WGO, this is completely unprecedented behavior. Should I be worried? What's Going On?"

Dear Reba Jean,

Get rid of your bicycle immediately! It's extremely dangerous for you to ride it ever again. You've gotten one of the infamous Vampicycles! They appear to be normal bicycles, but they suck energy from their riders for as long as they can. The danger lies in the fact that Vampicycles cast a soothing spell on the rider's mind, making them think that the exhaustion they feel is simply due to exercize. Many victims begin to feel that they are obtaining some sort of benefit from this 'exercize' and so continue to ride for longer and longer distances. You must fight this impulse! One day, you will find yourself going for 'just a short ride' and never get off. Ever. The Vampicycle eventually sucks all the energy out of their rider, discards them, and lies by the road to be discovered by their next victim.

Either that or you're bored out of your mind.

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Thank you, readers! We hope you enjoyed this week's edition of What's Going On as much as we enjoyed making it for you. Remember, whenever you're confused, whenever something unexpected or frightening happens, or even if the sky's falling, just write to us and we'll explain it all away. Good night!